Menarche to Menopause: How the menstrual path shapes your journey to health and wellness.
I’m currently working on my Cycle Coach Certification through Claire Baker at Cycle Coach School. She has provided us with a framework to reflect on our individual menstrual path so we can better pull out the root of our menstrual joys and shadows.
In this article, you’ll find my personal reflections on some key experiences in my personal menstrual path.
First, I want to introduce you to Claire’s framework for the menstrual path. I’d encourage you to pause for a moment with some tea before reading this and reflect on your own experiences.
When filling this out, I took some time to reflect on pivotal moments that have shaped my menstrual path. What had I learned? What had I birthed or released? Where am I now? What do I envision for the future?
A lot of my reflection felt like looking into the shadows. I began to reflect on the power that a lot of the early menstrual experiences that I had and how they shaped who I am today.
MENARCHE
Around the time that I got my very first period, I was an avid reader. I really liked the Goosebumps series and other mystery novels. I got a lot into the Georgia Nicholson Series by Louise Rennison. I also read the classic, “Are you there God? It’s me, Margaret” which I honestly don’t remember if my mom gave it to me or if I picked it up at the used bookstore my grandma would always take me to in Goderich, Ontario.
I got my very first period when I was 11 or 12, we were living in this new house for maybe 2 or 3 years. At that stage of my life I loved playing barbies with my neighbours, exploring the back swamp for treasures or “itchibutches” as we called them. I craved independence and spent some time walking around the neighbourhood with my co-ed group of friends. Sometimes, with the girls, we’d play dress up and choreograph dances to the latest Pussy Cat Dolls Songs.
This is a photo of me on a family trip to Florida, acne, braces, and low quality digital camera photo lol
I think at this time I was beginning to learn about sexuality. I remember having a boyfriend, I remember having crushes on some of my girl friends too (I didn’t know you were allowed to do that at that time, so I just thought she was “really cool”)
It was around this time that I was having a more difficult time communicating with my little sister. We began to sort of drift a part a little bit too. Which looking back was really sad since she was my best friend and I loved building Ello Villages with her.
Age 13
The day I actually got my period, I don’t remember too much about. I think that we had a family gathering to go to during the Christmas holidays. I don’t remember pain, or fear. Rather, I went to my mom and simply told her and I put on a pad on my own. (I think) and that was it.
From then on, I don’t remember changing my sheets or undies or anything, I don’t remember if there were ever messes or if I talked to anyone about it. Looking back, I think it was just a thing I dealt with.
The next image was my summary reflection on a lot of these cycling years, as well as a handful of key events that I think shaped me along the way. I’d super encourage you to do the same! If you don’t feel like doing it on your own, please book a session with me.
the image might be a bit tough to see, but if you click on it it should get bigger!
CYCLE YEARS
TW: Self-harm
My cycling years have been the most - eventful. I mean, if you think about the fact that the majority of my life has happened there, and the fact that I likely remember those years better too, fundamentally - it makes sense.
On my Menstrual Path, I include that the first time that I ever remember self-harming was the year after I got my period. Now that I know myself to have been suffering a menstrual related mood disorder, I’d say that piece of history is very important.
Throughout my yearly menstruating years, I was always a bit of a drifter amongst my peers. This meant that I was often friends with the outcasts in social groups. I remember one day sitting outside at recess and chatting with a friend about how people aren’t being nice to her because they saw she had Super Tampons. They said she was “slutty” and a “whore” at 13, this is not a label she wanted or was prepared for. Reflecting, this was also the time of “wideset vaginas and heavy flows” as well as “throwing a hotdog down a hallway” this media was very harmful for her (and all of us). We connected about how these things were not nice, but also these stereotypes later shaped her identity in social circles.
Age 18 after wisdom tooth removal
There was a time where my acne was also really bad, my family was always telling me about the latest remedy they read about in the magazines, what I needed to “do” to look “normal” and it got to the point that my mom took me to the dermatologist. The doctor looked at me and told us that it was hormonal, and that the Oral Hormonal Contraceptive would solve the problem. At 14, my mom said there that she wasn’t ready for me to have sex - despite my pleas for help with my skin, we continued with chemical skin care routines.
side: knowing what I know now about how hormonal contraceptive affected my body, I’m grateful my mom said no. Whatever her reasons, they likely saved me a lot more suffering than I faced in my early cycling years.
Flash forward, I had continued to learn that when it came to my sexuality and body, that my family were not the ones to talk to. A friend of mine would go to the women’s clinic and get her birth control pills, and I began to do the same. It wasn’t too far from my high school, and if I told my parents I was at my friends house, I would never have to explain.
Eventually I ended up trying the NuvaRing in University because I wasn’t able to be compliant with the pill and still wanted a birth control option. Read: I’ve ALWAYS, been consistently inconsistent.
age 22
The years after highschool and before uni, I did a lot of therapy - which helped. It didn’t SOLVE everything, but really did help provide some self awareness. I got sober too, this made a big impact in my overall well-being.
But, before we get to Uni - I want to share that there were many times that I began down a self-destructive path and engaged in self-harming as well as substance abuse. I don’t think I really knew why, but again looking back, I had some big mood stuff and no tools to manage them.
Once in Uni however, things changed again. I was excited by new freedom, new romantic interests of all genders, and began drinking. It was more than that though, I was moving through these rapid cycles of deep deep hopelessness or promiscuity and impulsivity. I needed help, so I went to the school psychologist who then diagnosed me with bipolar disorder asking me “if that seems right”. The symptoms did match, and I didn’t have an extensive knowledge of what else it could be - so I agreed. And I took a $300 a month medication for the next 3 years.
The meds never did solve my problems, they did give me a semblance of normal, but I was still quite reckless. This led to me having an accidental and unwanted pregnancy. We used a condom, but it broke. Not having any understanding of ovulation, I said “my period should come in 2 weeks, let’s just wait and see”. I could have taken the morning after pill, but I did take it a few years back and it was a horrible experience.
So, I waited. And then it didn’t come. And I knew then and there that I was pregnant. I also knew I wanted an abortion. I honestly felt really supported through the whole thing. I was however still battling with my emotions, as well as a situation where I had rats living in my student house (ew).
The medical doctors at the abortion clinic told me they wouldn’t do the procedure unless I left with birth control. Having struggled with medication compliance and side effects from hormonal birth control in the past, I told them I couldn’t. They told me I had to- and there was non-hormonal IUD that I could try if I wanted. All my friends were getting one, and despite me not really wanting it - I said yes.
My period after the abortion and during the IUD were heavy, crampy like I’d never had before, after maybe 11 months they lightened up and I didn’t have as bad of cramps. (This is typical of the Mirena IUD)
In 2019, I started learning about menstrual cycles. In 2020, I was in a relationship with a woman, and decided I could be okay without the IUD. So I took it out.
I started reflecting on my mood symptoms in the context of my menstrual cycle, instead of bipolar cycles. And this changed everything.
My hypomanic phases happened only around ovulation.
My depressive phases happened only during luteal.
When I ate differently it changed the intensity of my symptoms. When I avoided alcohol it did as well. I started noticing how all my lifestyle habits affected the way my mood and period was.
I even noticed changes in the presence of clotting, libido, heaviness of my flow, and so so much more.
Menstrual Cycle Awareness gave me a new way to understand myself.
PERIMENOPAUSE + MENOPAUSE
I’m not here yet, but I imagine I will be around 45-50. Mainly because that’s how it was for my mom. My mom never really talked about her experience, but that her periods were really heavy, which was inconvenient and that working at the factory made it hard to get to the bathroom as much (or quickly) as she needed to.
Checkout my Chat with Ali Kerrivan and Jodi Lee Forrestell on the Ruck and Rise Podcast about Perimenopause.
Every day I’m learning new things about my body and the world around me through the lens of Menstrual Cycle Awareness. I think about my stress now in terms of seasons, so I know nothing will last forever. That really helps me. I am conscious and aware of how my body reacts to different factors.
My hope in sharing my story here is so that you know that you are not alone. That with a supportive framework for reflection on our experiences, we can sift through all the shadows and discover joys in this body and life we have.
Another hope is that we can all see our lived experiences of suffering (and the subsequent healing) as valuable credentials for the life we have always dreamed of.
xx.
Heather
If you’d like to chat in more detail about your menstrual journey of past and goals for the future, please check out my cycle coaching offerings here.
